They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize