she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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