How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
