After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He felt like a one man threesome
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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