I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize