operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
