he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They took my balls.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
