ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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