The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
