Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
