Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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