One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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