His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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