I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
