I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
