Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize