I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
