i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So many bounce houses so little time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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