he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
