if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
