did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
