If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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