She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize