it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
