When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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