she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
