So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
