So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
