OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
