I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
