I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize