We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
