PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
