she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
