like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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