You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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