i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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