8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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