it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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