I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
