This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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