I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
