So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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