Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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