I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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