my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
