I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
