Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
