I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
