he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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