The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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