I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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