I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
