i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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