To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
pop tarts are not kleenex
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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