Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
