I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
