So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
