Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
