i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
