ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
