i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
