I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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