my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
