she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
