Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
