im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
