you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
