I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
