Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize