do herpes really smell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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