What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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