Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
