thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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