Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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