I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
