It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize