I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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