if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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