so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
