So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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