this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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