In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
