he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
