I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
