then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
