my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
