Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
