where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
