What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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