he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
