Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
