Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
