I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
