Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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