You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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