if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
