i think my tv is drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
