someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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