party gras won. party gras always wins.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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