Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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