I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
