I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
