Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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