her facebook's as public as her vagina
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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