Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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