i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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