I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
