wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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