the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
